Friday, December 16, 2011

Why Showers Are The Worst

For those of you who are about to suggest taking a bath instead, I leave you with the following piece of information that my brother graced me with when I was probably somewhere around the age of eleven:

"Taking a bath is like swimming in your own filth."

If you think I have never fully enjoyed soaking in the bathtub since then, you are right.
Me and my friend Alex--post Jello fight--in our single college days

Now let's talk about why showers are the worst.  Because they really are.

First of all, you have to get wet.  I kind of hate getting wet.  I mean, it's nice once you're actually in the shower, but afterward it's a total pain.  Especially if you have long, thick hair like I do.  I always ring my wet hair out several times after I'm done with a shower and the wringing-out is followed by a thorough drying off with a towel.    

An entire separate towel just for my hair, by the way, because if I try and use just one towel I end up soaking wet and even after I get dressed I still have awkward wet places all over.  Gah.

But even after wringing and drying, if I put my hair up in a ponytail (which I always do), at least part of my hair will still be wet hours later.  It's long and thick and a mean little beast.

Okay, so being wet.  That's the first part of what makes showers the worst.

Second of all, I hate the amount of time it takes to shave my legs.  Over the years I have even cut out using shaving cream all together because it is, in truth, a total waste of time and money in my opinion.  And even without the hassle of shaving cream, shaving my legs still takes up the majority of my shower time.  

And, inevitably, that time is spent over in some far corner of the shower where I can actually see what I'm doing, but where the water streaming down from the shower head never seems to reach.

Don't mind me, I'll just be standing over here with my leg in the air shivering in the cold.  

Yeah, that's fun.  And somehow I still always miss spots of hair.  Erg.  Embarrassing and annoying.  Shaving my legs is the bane of my existence.

The third worst thing about taking a shower is the water itself.  99% of the time it's too hot, too cold, or doesn't have enough water pressure.  Boys don't understand this.  Especially the change in water temperature as the shower progresses.  Because they don't have to spend the majority of an inevitably long shower shaving their legs.  No, no.  They just jump in, wash their one inch of hair, scrub down real quick, and hop right now.  Ahh, showers!  What's not to love?

Sometimes I hate boys when they talk about showers.  And about how quick they are.

What boys will never really, fully grasp is the concept of making hard choices in the shower.  Because, in the end, what it really boils down to is this: do I want to be cold and shivering and hating my life while shaving my legs or while washing my hair?

If I wash my hair first, all the hot water will be gone by the time I'm shaving my legs.  Which makes it all the worse.  Because if I shave my legs first, I may not actually be standing in the hot water (since I'm off in the corner--see above), but at least the steam from the hot water makes my corner slightly more tolerable.  But then if I shave my legs first and enjoy the warmth in my corner, the water is freezing cold by the time I wash my hair.  

Oh!  Great idea!  I'll stick my head under a stream of super cold water!  Ahh, nothing like a trip to the arctic to start your day off right.

No.  This is the worst.  Especially since I have long, thick hair.  So it takes a long time to actually rinse out all of the shampoo.  And conditioner.  Let's not forget about conditioner.  So I end up standing in the freezing cold waterfall twice.  For a very long time.  And, in the end, there's still some shampoo or conditioner left in my hair because I've lost all endurance for standing in cold water.  And, let's face it, my legs are all prickly from the cold by the time I get out anyway.

This is why I have recently been going with what I consider the lesser of two evils.  First comes the body wash.  I guess I left that out before, but that's a given for me to use the body wash first.  Especially since I skip shaving cream all together.  Then I wash my hair.  In nice warm water.  And then I shave my legs in the cold little corner, but at least by that point I'm not in the water much anyway.

Then I ring out my eternally wet hair, dry it with a towel, and wrap the towel around my head to keep my hair from dripping on the rest of me.  I finish drying off with a second towel, get dressed, and then continue my day with wet hair.

What?  Blow dry it?  That would totally defeat the entire purpose of taking a shower, which is to get clean and not smell bad.  Because my hair is so long and thick that by the time I finish blow drying my hair my right armpit is all sweaty and gross.  From holding up the blow dryer so long.  Plus it makes my face all hot and sweaty.  And it makes me hate my life.  This, of course, coming after showers, which are the worst.  Oh, and did I mention I have a two year old, so there's no way I'd even have time to blow dry my hair more than twice a year anyway?  So, yeah, I've given up on blow drying completely.  Sold the blow dryer, in fact.  Wet ponytails all the way, my friend.

Man, showers are the worst.


Alanna said...

I don't like the wet hair after a shower either. And the getting cold when you get out. Thankfully our water heater is awesome and we don't run out of hot water during a shower :)

Lisa Lou said...

I warned Mark before we got married that I hate taking showers and I HATE shaving my legs... so sorry about that in advance. Luckily, he doesn't mind.

Also, I think my dad thinks the same thing about baths. However, one time I took the most glorious bath in a handicapped jacuzzi (= HUGE and lots of jets!) with lots of bubbles and a padded neck thing and it was amazing.

And, actually, now in our old-lady-shower we have a little bench which is just perfectly dandy for shaving legs. Except I'm 8 months pregnant, so I can't really shave my legs all the well anyway.

Polly @ Pieces by Polly said...

I'm not a huge shower fan...but my hair is way thinner than yours and I don't have difficulty with it drying. I definitely understand the temp thing. You might try switching the shower head though. When we moved in the water pressure wasn't great and we'd run out of hot water at the end of our matter how fast we were...even Eric sometimes. I went to Home Depot, bought a low flow/water efficient/whatever-they're called for somewhere around $8-12. The pressure that comes out of the showerhead is stronger and we almost never run out of hot water anymore unless I'm taking a really long time to shave my legs...which I hate doing, so I don't do it all that often. Pretty much only for Sundays.

Amanda said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels this way!! Showers have always been super annoying, but now that there is an 18 month old in the equation I'm doomed! If I want any kind of piece in the shower I have to get up BEFORE her, which is practiacally the middle of the night! And I'm a morning only kinda shower person - I think night showers are pointless!

Sarah said...

This post made me chuckle along with you as I was reading it. Then my musing brain flipped things around and I realized how telling our complaints are of how awesome (or not) we have it. Like I get bugged that we only have one CAR so I have to drive Spencer to his JOB if I want to go play with my FRIENDS. Or that I hate that I have to hike up my maternity pants every 2.4 seconds (because I'm PREGNANT). My life is actually pretty great.
And by commenting I do NOT mean to make you feel dumb/badly/whatever... I more just wanted to share my random inspiration for the day =).

Caroline said...

I have long hair too, I put a hand towel around my shoulders and clip the ends of the hand towel with a chip clip or clothes pin after I get dressed to keep my back from getting wet. Even if your hair is really long, it'll help protect your back a bit.

Kristie said...

So I have a suggestion for the leg shaving thing. If you use lotion, go to Sally's Beauty Supply and by a lotion called "Slow Grow". I used it all last year when I was pregnant, because shaving is over rated. You just put it on when you get out of the shower, and it slows your hair from growing. Which is awesome on your legs. It is super moisturizing. And it made it so I only had to shave once a week. :)
Good luck!

Kathy Haynie said...

Hahahaha - I hadn't seen the jello fight picture before.

That's one reason why I've always had short hair. Not saying that would be a solution for you, just sympathizing with the hassle. And I only shave my legs once/week. And only up to the knees in the winter. I hate getting wet, too. Ugh.

Anna said...

FYI my leg shaving got a lot faster when I switched to a man's razor. They are soo much better at not missing spots.

David Mayer said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Evil Big Brother Laugh*

Actually, I apologize for that apparently traumatizing perspective on baths when we were younger. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember it.

What I DO remember is that I once had a Teachers Quorum adviser whose euphemism for stupidity was, "He's been drinking his own bath water." Ew. That was when I really couldn't take the idea of baths anymore. Sorry for passing it on.

Emily said...

Oh I love that you wrote this post. I'm with you. Showers are totally annoying. For all the reasons you mentioned. So that's why I decided (mostly...except for the nights when I'm way too lazy...)to shower at night. It works great for me since I have to be and presentable at the crack of CRAZY hour. So I just shower at night and just skip the whole blow dry thing by letting it air dry while I sleep. Of course there are also some downsides to this, one of which is being cold sleeping with wet hair. So I decided to just blow dry it a little before going to sleep that way it's just damp but I'm also not all gross and sweaty. Also then in the morning I can just run a straightener through it and I don't have to be absolutely freezing after a morning shower. Works GREAT. Maybe you would like it...? Worth a shot! Also, I love that we got to play games tonight. And I also love that we totally creamed the boys in Skipbo. BOOYAH!

Nancy said...

Seriously, cold and wet and still have to have wet hair. Not my favorite. Especially in the winter. Though in the summer, after a sweaty exercise outside, a cool shower is refreshing and you can air dry hair much more comfortably.

Lisa Lou said...

I totally love Sarah's comment. So true so true.

alee said...

I've been thoroughly bugged by this post all day (don't worry, it was not news to me that you hate showers!) and I have been trying to think of solutions...

Have you tried turning the temp up on your hot water heater? Usually that will get you more hot water...

I agree that a shower head change can do wonders...not sure if you remember but I bought the ones in college :) Just a few bucks and is usually really worth it.

Have you tried Suave's dry shampoo? It used to be only high end salon brands that had it, but now Suave and Treseme (sp?) have versions of it; you spray it on your roots on days you don't shower and it soaks up any oil and stuff. It is amazingly effective and I have even been known to skip washing my hair every now and again because of it. (You still have to shower of course, but at least your hair doesn't get wet!)

And sometimes I plug the bath when I am almost done showering so it saves just like an inch of water...then once I am done showering I just sit on the edge of the tub and shave using the saved water to rinse my razor and such. It isn't exactly like bathing in your own filth and it totally saves water!

That is all I can think of for now...I will let you know if I come up with any more great ideas! And of course, to each his or her own :)

p.s. those are really great faces we are making in that pic! you know i didn't want to go to that stupid fhe anyway!

Liz said...

I'm with you on the hairdryer (I do own one - I was given it 22 years ago when I went to university and I think it's at the back of my wardrobe somewhere - but if it has been used in the last 15 years, it's been to speed up defrosting the freezer or to dry out soaked shoes), but I have to disagree when it comes to baths. I mean, I can see the point about filth if I was working all day in a muddy field or down a coal mine, but I don't think I really get all that dirty driving to work, sitting in an office and driving home again (maybe via a supermarket), so I don't see that as a problem. Even if you don't want to have a bath every day, I recommend trying it for when you want to shave your legs - you can do it sitting in nice warm water.

Having said that. It's winter, most of the time I'm either going to be wearing trousers or thick tights, so leg shaving happened for the work Christmas party last night and that's probably it until we get warm weather again.

alee said...

Oh and how about getting your hair cut into some long layers? As long as you tell them you want the shortest ones to still be able to be pulled into a ponytail, there really isn't much difference except your hair dries a bit faster! My hair turned into a thick beast after Leo was born- pregnancy does weird things to your body, no?- and having some layers definitely helps me not feel like I have a huge mop on my head :)

Jenniffier said...

Great post. I can relate. I just chopped off my long mane. My hair has a different problem though, it is very fine, but there has to be 3-4 hairs per pore as I have so much of it. Here is the only solution I came up with and it doesn't work all the time but most of the time it works out. Wash hair one day, shave the next... now I always shave important parts like the pits, but the legs they can go a day and so can the hair, usually. I just choose a different hair style like add some curls or a messy bun and no one is any the wiser :) However, some days it just doesn't work out and I am stuck with your solution, but I like to wash hair, add conditioner, shave, rinse as quickly as possible. Now I have short hair so it a wash ever day situation :( boo! but it doesn't take as long.So that is good.