|This, as it turns out, is one of my favorite pictures of myself|
It sounds funny to say, but sometimes I forget how much I like music. I had no idea what kind of music I really liked until college. It was then that I had two roommates who loved certain kinds of music--my music vocabulary unfortunately isn't even big enough to really tell you what kinds of music they are--and I found myself falling in love with that music too.
Of course there's something in music that makes it impossible to separate the sound from the person or people or time that that music makes you think of. So maybe part of the reason I fell in love with my Missy Higgins radio station on Pandora is because it reminds me of a really peaceful time in my life and one of the most peaceful, loving people I've ever met (other than Bryan). That music makes me feel free spirited like my friend that used to douse us in it. Listening to it now makes everything feel okay in a way that other things just can't do.
There's a project I've taken on in the past several months. It's something that is completely out of my comfort zone. And yet it's something I've always wanted to do. Something I think I've known deep down I would always do. But to have it starring me in the face is downright daunting. And there are times that just the idea of taking it all on makes me lose my confidence and feel entirely inadequate. Me? Do that? Not possible.
It's hard to see the path from A to Z when you've never done B through Y before. Let alone A or Z. And yet when you look back on hard things they don't usually seem so hard after all. Even being without Bryan for two years seems less hard now in my memory than it was in real life. And I think part of that is because I know what happened for all the time in between. But I didn't know all that when I started out on that dark time without Bryan. Back at the beginning it was just... a scary open void. And I didn't know what would fill it. And that scared me even more than the task of just getting through it.
You've had those experiences. You know what I mean.
I've never been much of a musician. I had a brief love affair with my guitar and little to show for it. And other than that I really haven't stuck it out with any kind of musical talents. But I'm so glad the people in my radio station stuck with it. They sing to my soul and it calms me right now. Puts the confidence back in me. Reminds me that life is slow in a good way. Motivates me and takes the hurry out of me. It's such a good healing feeling to have. Sometimes all I need is a pretty melody to put my own melody back in tune.
But sometimes I forget that. Why is that? How is it that I forget about music so often? But I do.
The older I get, the more I get to know myself. And the more I get to know myself, the more true to myself I try to be. I think maybe part of that means I really need more music in my life.
Just a thought, I guess.
P.S. Speaking of music, there's a song I really like that's at the end of the movie Dan in Real Life (it's the song the wedding band sings). Does anyone know what song that is and who's by? I thought it was by She and Him but I might be totally wrong about that.