I have a lot in my heart on this Mother's Day. I'm grateful for my own mother and grandmothers. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law and all that she did to raise my husband into the wonderful man he is. I'm grateful for the other moms who helped raise me--teachers, friends' moms, church leaders.
My heart is also full of love for mothers who are waiting. Waiting for marriage. Waiting for children. Waiting for their lives as mothers to start.
And, on this Mother's Day, I keep thinking about my own particular situation as a mother. My sweet baby will turn three at the end of the summer. She's not a baby anymore, but a little girl who keeps on getting bigger and bigger. And we just found out yesterday that she'll be starting kindergarten when she's five instead of when she's six. Bryan keeps laughing at me every time I bring it up, but it absolutely blows my mind that I'll have a daughter in kindergarten in two years.
I also think about my hope in motherhood. I hope to have more children. I think about if my empty pregnancy hadn't been empty. If everything had gone normally, I'd be having a second child in just a few months. But, as it is, we're still just a little family of three. I love our little family just the way it is. But I also hope for more. More children. More crazy. More love.
I think about how I'm doing as a mom. Sometimes I feel so inadequate. But, the truth is, most of the time I feel like a pretty good mom. Not a perfect mom, but a good mom. Olivia and I learn together, play together, work together, read together, laugh together, and at the end of each day I tuck away the quiet, special memories of the day and hope I won't forget them. She's growing up so fast I can't keep up with all the sweet memories and moments I want to hold on to.
Today I've also been thinking a lot about being a good mom and having self-centered goals all at the same time. I'm writing a book which is a project that takes a lot of selfish time. But I feel really deeply that it's the right thing for me to be doing right now, even though it seems like a crazy time. There are times I feel the sting of judgement from others moms when I say I'm writing a book. They'll talk about how they're never on the computer and I silently confess, "I'm always on the computer." It can be tricky to be a mom and have non-mom-related goals. But, at the end of the day, we know what's right for ourselves and our families.
Being a mom means a lot. It means a lot of hard work. It means a lot of fun. It means a lot of poopy diapers, sleepless nights, whiny complaints, tears from owies, small moments of big achievement, constant growth, and constant change. To be a mother is to stand at the bottom of a mountain, hold a child's hand, and say, "Let's climb this together."
To all you fellow climbers on the mountain I say, press on. And happy Mothers's Day.