Thursday, June 7, 2012

$23 For The Worst Picture Of My Life

This is not that picture.
So, this month it'll be a year since we moved.  And guess when I finally got around to getting a drivers licence for the state we live in?  Yeah.  Today.  Bryan got his last week, by the way, and I would have gotten mine then too, but there was a hiccup when we went in (i.e. I brought all of my required documents except for my current out-of-state drivers licence*), so we had to go back to the far away DMV today so I could take the test.  Thank goodness I passed.  Not that I was really worried about it, but I just don't like to think about how shameful it would have been to hold a valid drivers licence in one state and fail the dumb test in another.  Anyway.  Then we drove back to the close DMV where I could actually pick up my licence and have the worst picture of my life taken.

Okay, so in all honesty, I wasn't planning on picking up my actual licence today.  We thought we'd get back too late and I'd have to go in and pick it up tomorrow, but we got back just in time, so in to pick up my licence I went.  My point is, I hadn't picked out the cutest shirt in my wardrobe or put on mascara or brushed my hair two seconds before I went in for this picture, but I didn't look that bad.  I looked normal.  Not that you'd ever believe me if you saw the picture.

The tallest girl I have ever seen in life was in line in front of me.  I'm not kidding when I say that she was probably at least 7' tall.  I just stood there thinking about how tall she was.  I was kind of mesmerized by it.  But even in the midst of my fascination I couldn't help thinking how tired she must be of people staring at her and thinking about how tall she is and asking her if she plays professional basketball.  (I didn't ask, but I wanted to.  Wouldn't you?)  She kind of reminded me of Madam Maxime (from Harry Potter), but only in terms of her height.  She wasn't the least bit swarthy; she was thin and pretty and dressed so well.  So I was kind of in awe of how beautiful and normal she was despite the fact that she was taller than everyone else in the room.

I especially kept thinking about how beautiful and normal she looked when she got her picture taken (after me).  She flashed this beautiful, well-rehearsed model smile just as the camera flash went off.  I thought I had smiled for my picture, but apparently I just kind of grimaced at the camera and tried to look as fat as humanly possible.

No doubt my extremely tall fellow DMVer is spending the evening pulling out her new licence photo whenever possible so she can show further proof of her beauty.  I, on the other hand, followed up my photo shoot by finding Bryan and Olivia in Staples where they were wandering around waiting for me and greeting Bryan with, "Want to see the worst picture of me ever taken in the existence of... me?"  Even Bryan couldn't muster up a "Oh, it isn't that bad," or a "You look beautiful as always, honey."  He just kind of stared at it and agreed with his eyes and his silence.

The worst part: I had to take a test and pay 23 stinking dollars for that photo.  AND if I ever get pulled over I'll have to actually show it to the cop, compounding infinitely on my humility.  AND I'll have to show it to the gate keepers at the zoo and the science museum every time we go.  Boooooo.

The best part: We'll be moving in three years.  Hello licence picture I am going to do everything in my power to look pretty for.

*I had gone to the science museum with Olivia earlier that day and I left my licence and museum membership in our lunch bag instead of returning it to my wallet.  Sigh.


Kathy Haynie said...

Hello humility. :) Glad you passed the test. The photo kind of puts life in perspective, no? I'm not very fond of mine, either.

Bryan Lewis said...

Oh I didn't realize that I forgot to say that you looked fine. You looked fine!

However, it does remind me of the Calvin and Hobbes strip:

Alison K. said...

Ohhh i hate taking DMV photos! thankfully the states i have lived in (washington and texas) dont require you to take the yucky test too when you move there. Also in washington now they use some sort of facial recognition something-or-other and told me not to smile. My face is much skinnier when i'm not smiling :)

Kristie said...

So I had to renew my licence just 10 days before I had my first baby. I gained 60 pounds while pregnant with her. And that was 5 years ago. Until this year I was stuck with a fat face not a good picture of me. And this year, not pregnant thank goodness, there was a to do to get the new licence. They had a glitch in their server, which sent the server into chaos, right when they were going to print out my licence. Yep, I was licence less for several days as they had already punched through my old one. And I had gone in to renew it a couple of days early. Thankfully there was a nice lady who held my licence for me until I could go and get it.
Good luck, hope you can endure the next couple of years with a not so favorite picture. :)

Julie Rosenhan said...

I'm totally with you on this Katie, driver license photos are the worst, followed by school picture ID. In my Utah license photo I'm 9 months pregnant and I didn't have any makeup on and hadn't prepared for it in anyway. Blah!

Anna said...

Ha! Today I am going to go take new passport photo...and I'm nine months pregnant and it's not looking likely that I will get a shower in between now and then so... it doesn't really matter because I always look like some kind of weirdo in all my IDs anyway. I like to think officials are always pleasantly surprised to see I am not a monster in real life.

Tiffany said...

We should've gone together. :) I went last week (2 weeks ago?) and got my license and it is an awful picture. Not the worst ever taken, but not good. Brian agrees-he thinks I look scary in it. And what's with them putting your picture on your license twice? Just to rub it in that its an awful picture? Rough. I'm sorry.

BeccaMarie said...

Oy. Licenses can be the worst. Three years ago I went in and they told me I couldn't smile. And then they took the photo while I was still processing that horrible information. So I look scared and angry in my photo. And not only that, in Virginia they plaster your face on the license twice. TWICE!
Ug, I hid it in my wallet and tried to never never speed.

By the way, I do love your blog. I've been reading it for a long time now. I just read how you feel like comments are lacking. I'm sorry. It's not hard to tell that you put a lot of work into this blog, and you are doing so well. Thank you for sharing everything :)
I guess sometimes I feel like I shouldn't comment because I am annoying the writer (not you, just bloggers in general). Like, some twisted little part of me inside is thinking, "I shouldn't write that, they will probably read it and think, 'who is this? leave me alone. I have more important people to respond to.' Again, I'm not saying that's you. Just bloggers that I feel have amazing blogs in general, I feel like I am in their way. I guess that just goes to show how insecure I am! And how dummy I am. Of course I should share compliments when I am thinking them in my mind! > You are beautiful and have a beautiful blog!

Whitney said...

HAHA! And, Bryan, that is TOTALLY the first thing I though of too!