Wednesday, October 17, 2012
He Lets Us Grow
So, yesterday I went to the bathroom. Sometimes I do that. And, on this particular occasion, I closed the door. Right before I went into the bathroom and closed the door, I asked Olivia to get her shoes out and put them on. Then I closed the door.
About a minute of quiet went by. She was getting her shoes out of our basket-o-shoes so she could put them on. Then she started screeching. "What's wrong, Lala?" I called from the bathroom. More screeching.
"I can't dooo iiiiiit! It's tooo haaaaard! Mommy you help meeeeeee!"
The whining continued. I called out to her that if it was too hard she could wait and I'd help her when I was done, but she kept on screeching and whining anyway. And in that moment a casual thought popped into my head. "Well, I can't always be there to help her." That was my thought. Which was followed close behind by, "There's only one person in the world who can always be there to help her. And He doesn't."
I thought it was strange to have a reminder from the Spirit that Christ is capable of taking all our pain away, but that he doesn't always take all our pain away.
The saga of the shoes continued. It had only been about another minute and I was still in the bathroom. Olivia had been crying, throwing a fit out in the living room. I had tuned it out while I was thinking. Then she got quiet. I figured she must have calmed down and decided to wait for my help. Good girl. Thank goodness.
And then, just before I turned on the water to wash my hands, I heard her sweet happy voice calling out, "Mommy, I did it! I got my shoes on all by myself!"
"Good job!" I called back. "I'm so proud of you!"
She can already put on a lot of her shoes all by herself, but these ones are new and she hadn't quite figured it out yet. Now she can do it, even though it was a struggle to learn.
Then the thought came back to my mind, this time finished.
"There's only one person in the world who can always be there to help us. And he doesn't. He lets us grow."
I've been thinking a lot about this.
I've been thinking about how I went through so much of this year kicking and screaming about how things weren't going my way. Screeching. Throwing a fit. I've experienced a lot of other trials already and learned how to accept them and deal with them and learn from them, but the things I've gone through this year have been different and new. And there have been times when it's felt like the Lord was farther away than ever before, closed off behind some door.
As I sat there in the bathroom listening to Olivia screeching I kept thinking I should just call Olivia to me and help her put on her shoes. Not just because it wasn't fun to listen to, but also because I love her and I like to help her be happy. I wonder how much more heart-wrenching it is for our Heavenly Father to watch us experience real pain, pain that takes a long time and doesn't go away straight off, and not always come to our rescue right away. Because he can rescue us, but he doesn't. He lets us grow.
As a parent, this is a lesson I'm learning. To let Olivia grow. I'm not very good at it yet.
As a child of God, I'm learning that, even when it feels like we're surrounded by heavenly silence, we are never alone, forgotten, or forsaken. He know us. He knows me. And just like I knew that, if she just tried, Olivia would be able to put those shoes on by herself, Christ knows that, if I just try, I'll be able to accept his will, enjoy my life, and be truly happy. He knows I can handle this. He knows I can be more than I am right now.
There's only one person in the world who can always be there to help me. But he doesn't. And, little by little, day by day, I am so much the better for it.
Posted by Katie Lewis at 9:43 AM