Friday, November 23, 2012

The longer I stay away, the less I miss it


At Olivia's (and her grandparent's) request, we were sent out on a date tonight so they could have happy fun times without us. Well, fine by us! We decided to go grab a bite to eat and then see a movie. Like, in a real theater.

The funny thing about us going to see movies these days is that I never know what's playing anymore, let alone what the movies are about and which one I'd want to see. Bryan, on the other hand, almost always seems to know what's playing, which ones he wants to see, and whether or not I would like his choices. I have no idea how he stays so in the know. It's like he reads the news or something.

Anyway, so he narrowed our choices down to three movies: the Abraham Lincoln movie, the latest James Bond movie, and Life of Pi. The Life of Pi looked kind of trippy, and after watching the trailer, Bryan (who has actually read the book), said that it looks like they changed a lot of stuff from the book, so, no. The Abraham Lincoln movie looked like it was mainly a lot of shouting and shooting. Perhaps historical, but, no. The latest James Bond movie also looked like it was mainly a lot of shouting and shooting, but at least it wouldn't leave me with nightmares about things that actually happened. So the James Bond movie it was.

I have three things I would like to say:
1. James Bond will never die. Ever.
2. I hate movies where the bad guy is insane. But at least this bad guy isn't as insane as the scarecrow guy or the joker from the batman movies.
3. I feel so over movie theaters. May I never have to watch a movie in one ever again.

So, we got there pretty early because, ya know, we're lame and boring now. We got pretty good seats, which turned out to be a bad idea for two reasons. First of all, we sat in the middle of a row and, despite the fact that I used the lavatory right before the movie started, about five minutes after the movie finally started I had to pee real bad. And then I had to hold it for the next two hours. Second of all, Bryan was socially unawkward and left a seat in between him and the group of people we sat down next to. The theater was packed (never go on a holiday weekend) and right before the movie started a guy finally weaseled his way through and sat down next to Bryan. This wouldn't have been a big deal, but the guy had some serious B.O. going on. Eeew eeew eeew. So there we were, trapped in the middle with a really smelly guy. And I had to pee real bad.

Insert two hours of people shooting at each other. (But, of course, they never kill James Bond, despite the fact that he's totally out in the open a bajillion times. Sigh.)

Also, why is it that every spy-ish movie we've seen in the past year or two the spy always seems to die and then come back to life by not dying after all? Don't worry. I haven't given anything away. It happens at the beginning. And, ya know, because it happens at the beginning, it was totally predictable  Actually, I think it even shows it in the trailer. So whatevs. I will, however, spoil the ending by saying this:

James Bond doesn't die.

Yeah. Like we didn't all see that coming.

Once the movie was over I shuffled my way through the crowd and finally made it to the bathroom, where I still had to wait in line. And while I was standing there trying not to pee my pants, I overheard this conversation from some girls washing their hands:

Girl 1:"All of the girls in these movies have such weird names. Like, 'Moneypenny?'"
Girl 2: "Yeah, seriously. So weird."

Seriously? I am nothing like a James Bond buff and even I know Miss Moneypenny is a classic James Bond character. They had no idea. Anyway, eventually I finally got to not pee my pants and then we left.

All in all, it was an experience I hope never to repeat again. Or at least not anytime soon. Ordinarily we wait until movies come out on DVD and even then we still wait until we can check them out from the library. By then we've heard enough other people talk about the movies that we have a general idea of what they're about and if we feel like wasting time on them. Oh, and then they're free. Gotta love the library.

Also? I can pause the movie and pee whenever I want. And put on the subtitles so I can figure out what the heck James Bond is saying when he mumbles.

And turn it off when the movie is dumb. Which is, by the way, exactly what I would have done this evening.

Our TV isn't hooked up to watch actual TV. We only ever watch DVDs and we almost always skip the previews. I literally cannot remember the last time I watched a commercial on TV. We only watch movie trailers about once a year on nights like tonight when we're about to go see a movie. In so many ways, we are so disconnected from most of commercial media. And, by the way, I don't miss it.


Holly Mayer said...

I don't really like going to the movies either. It is so over priced these days. The last three times I have been were to see the last 3 Harry Potter movies.
Dave and I are both actually looking forward to seeing the Hobbit next month, but after that I have no plans if going to the theater.

alison said...

KATIE! We need to go see Les Miserables and/or the Hobbit this Christmas time!!!!!!!!!!

Kathy Haynie said...

Two things:
1 - I'm with you. I'd rather go for a hike or something. I'm kind of ADD in movies. I have an awful time sitting still (even if I don't need to pee).
2 - It wasn't about you, remember? It was about Lala and the grandparents. What else were you going to do with yourselves for two hours in November at night?

Sydnie Florence said...

I feel the exact same way. I can't sit still that long. If I do, I (quite literately) fall asleep. The strangest part is, people think we are crazy! People really, like, go to the movies every week. We actually don't even own a t.v. and people wonder what we do. This is crazy to me! We are always busy and talking to each other and weird stuff like that.

Kristie said...

Love this post. It makes me think.
We do not go to movies, but it isn't the movies we don't like. For me it is the paying of the babysitter. I mean usually we don't end up going out because by the time you try to do dinner, a movie, or anything, you end up spending $100 on whatever you did, plus the babysitter. I can think of other ways I would rather spend $100.
For movies we usually wait until they come out on DVD, and then we rent them from Amazon. And like you said, usually by the time the come out we have heard enough about the movie that we either skip it, or see it.
Also, I have heard that Lincoln wasn't as good as some people thought it could be.
I do hope Olivia had a fun time with her grandparents. That was super important. Memories are so important.

My name is Becka said...

I love this post :) I love how frank you are. So funny!